Strap ons are one of those things that can feel slightly overwhelming when you first start looking into them. There are harnesses, there are dildos, there are O-rings, there are sizes. Where do you even begin? This guide is here to make the whole thing feel straightforward, because it really can be.
What Is a Strap On?
A strap on is a wearable harness that holds a dildo in place, allowing the wearer to penetrate a partner. The harness typically attaches around the hips and thighs, with a ring or pouch at the front that holds the dildo securely.
They are used by people of all genders and orientations. Couples where one partner has a vulva may use them for penetrative sex. Couples where both partners have penises may use them for double penetration. Some people enjoy pegging (anal penetration of a man by their partner). Some people use them for gender affirmation. The list goes on.
There is no single correct way to use a strap on. The question is just finding the right setup for what you want to do.
Harness Types: What Is the Difference?
The two main harness styles are the two-strap design and the jockstrap or thong style.
Two-strap harnesses have straps that go around both thighs. They tend to offer a very secure fit and allow for good pressure against the body, which many wearers find adds to their own pleasure during use. They also give better access for adding a small vibrator behind the harness plate if desired.
Jockstrap or thong harnesses have a single strap running between the legs. These are often easier to get in and out of quickly, and some people find them more comfortable for extended wear. They can also be easier for wearing underneath clothing.
Both styles work well. The choice comes down largely to personal comfort and how you intend to use it.
Harnesses are typically made from leather, vegan leather, or nylon. Leather offers the best durability and fit over time but requires a bit more care. Nylon is easy to clean and tends to be more adjustable, making it a good starting point.
Choosing the Right Dildo
Most harnesses use O-rings to hold dildos in place. The O-ring is a circular loop that the base of the dildo sits in, holding it firm. Crucially, this means you need a dildo with a flared base that is compatible with the harness O-ring size.
Many strap on sets come with a harness and a compatible dildo included, which takes the guesswork out of sizing. If you are buying separately, check the O-ring diameter of the harness against the base diameter of your chosen dildo.
For first-time strap on use, particularly for anal penetration, start with something on the smaller side. A dildo with a diameter of around 3 to 3.5 cm and an insertable length of 12 to 15 cm is a sensible starting point that allows both partners to get comfortable with the experience.
For vaginal use, slightly larger sizes are usually fine, but the same principle applies. Starting smaller means a more comfortable experience and makes it much easier to work out your preferred technique without either partner feeling overwhelmed.
Materials: Body-Safe Is Non-Negotiable
The same rules apply here as with any sex toy. Your dildo needs to be made from a body-safe, non-porous material. Silicone is the most popular choice, as it is soft, flexible, easy to clean, and comes in an enormous range of shapes and sizes. Realistic dildos in silicone can look very convincing while still being completely body-safe.
Glass and stainless steel are also non-porous and excellent for strap on use, particularly for people who prefer firmer penetration.
Avoid jelly rubber or anything described as “latex-like”. These materials are porous, difficult to clean properly, and often contain chemicals that are not suitable for internal use.
Lube: Essential for Both Partners
Lube is important regardless of whether you are using a strap on for vaginal or anal penetration. It reduces friction, increases comfort, and makes the whole experience better for everyone involved.
For vaginal use, a good water-based lube works well with silicone dildos and is gentle on sensitive skin.
For anal use, a thicker anal lubricant is the better choice. Apply it to the dildo and to the receiving partner, and have more to hand. There is no such thing as too much lube for anal play.
Communication and Technique
This is genuinely the most important part of the whole guide. Using a strap on for the first time requires communication between partners. The wearing partner cannot feel what the dildo is experiencing the way they would with their own body, so checking in verbally is essential.
Start slowly. Work out angles together. What feels good from one angle might not work from another, and finding your rhythm as a pair takes a little time. That exploration is actually most of the fun.
If either partner is new to penetrative anal play, spend some time on preparation first. Warmup with fingers or a small plug before introducing the strap on dildo. This makes a significant difference to how comfortable and enjoyable the experience is.
Cleaning Your Harness and Dildo
Clean your dildo after every use. Non-porous silicone, glass, and steel can be washed with warm water and mild soap or a dedicated toy cleaner. Silicone dildos can also be boiled or run through a dishwasher on the top rack without detergent.
Harnesses should be cleaned according to the material. Nylon harnesses can usually be machine washed on a gentle cycle. Leather harnesses should be wiped down with a damp cloth and allowed to dry naturally before conditioning.
Store your harness and dildo separately to avoid any material reactions, and keep them somewhere clean and dry.
Ready to Get Started?
Explore our full range of strap ons including beginner-friendly sets, harnesses for all body types, and compatible dildos in a range of sizes and materials. Everything arrives in discreet packaging with no indication of the contents, and we offer free UK delivery on orders over a certain threshold.
If you have questions, our team is happy to help you find the right option for your situation.
