Strap Ons

Strap-ons aren't just for same-sex couples. They're used by people of all genders and orientations for all sorts of reasons: pegging, penetrative sex for couples where one partner doesn't have a penis, exploring power dynamics, double penetration, or simply because it's fun to try something different.

If you've never used one before, the setup can seem complicated. It's not. Harness on, dildo in, tighten the straps, done. This guide covers the different types and how to get started.

A strap-on has two parts: a harness that's worn around the hips, and a dildo that fits through a ring in the front of the harness.

Harness types: underwear-style harnesses look like pants and are often the most comfortable for extended wear. Traditional strap harnesses use adjustable straps around the waist and thighs, which makes them fit a wider range of body sizes. Thigh harnesses strap to the upper leg for a different angle. Some harnesses have a pocket or mount for a vibrator on the inside, giving the wearer stimulation too.

Dildos: any dildo with a flat, flanged base can be used with a strap-on harness. The base fits through the O-ring on the harness and sits flush against the wearer's body. Realistic dildos, smooth silicone, and fantasy designs all work as long as the base is compatible. Many starter kits include a harness and one or two dildos to get you going.

Strapless strap-ons are a third option. These have a bulb that the wearer inserts vaginally, which holds the dildo in place without any harness. They require strong pelvic floor muscles to keep in position, so they're better suited to experienced users, but they look and feel very natural when they work.

Fitting the harness. Put it on over bare skin or underwear. Tighten the straps until it feels snug but not uncomfortable. The dildo should sit at roughly the same height and angle as a natural erection. If it's pointing up at the ceiling, adjust the harness lower. If it's drooping, tighten the straps.

Choose the right dildo size. If you're new to this, start with a slim, smooth dildo around 5 to 6 inches long and 1 to 1.25 inches in diameter. You can always size up later. A dildo that's too big for the receiving partner will make the whole experience uncomfortable and put both of you off trying again.

Lube is essential. Apply water-based lubricant to the dildo and to the receiving partner. For anal play (pegging), use even more lube than you think you need, and go slowly. The wearer can't feel what the receiving partner is feeling, so communication is critical. Check in constantly.

Start with the receiving partner in control. Having the receiving partner on top, lowering themselves onto the dildo at their own pace, is usually the most comfortable way to start. Once they're comfortable, you can switch to other positions. Missionary, doggy style, and spooning all work well with a strap-on.

Clean the dildo the same way you'd clean any dildo of the same material: warm water, mild soap, rinse, dry. The harness needs cleaning too, especially after vigorous sessions. Fabric and neoprene harnesses can usually be hand-washed with mild soap and hung to dry. Leather harnesses should be wiped down with a damp cloth and treated with leather conditioner. Silicone harnesses can be washed with soap and water.

Don't machine wash harnesses unless the label specifically says you can. The hardware (buckles, rings, snaps) can get damaged, and the straps can stretch out of shape.

Penetrative sex regardless of anatomy. For same-sex couples, trans couples, or situations where one partner has erectile difficulties, a strap-on provides penetrative sex without relying on a natural erection. This can be genuinely liberating for couples who want penetration as part of their sex life.

Pegging. The popularity of pegging (a woman penetrating a male partner anally) has grown enormously in recent years. Prostate stimulation via a strap-on dildo can produce very intense orgasms for the receiving partner, and many couples find that switching traditional roles adds a completely new dimension to their sex life.

Stamina isn't an issue. A strap-on doesn't go soft, doesn't climax early, and doesn't need a recovery period. The wearer can focus entirely on their partner's pleasure without worrying about their own performance. For some couples, this removes pressure and makes the experience more relaxed and enjoyable for both people.

You can swap dildos. Different sizes, textures, and shapes for different moods. One harness, multiple dildos. That versatility means you're not locked into one experience.

Practise wearing the harness before having sex in it. Walk around the house, adjust the straps, get used to the weight and position of the dildo. The first time you have sex in a strap-on shouldn't also be the first time you've worn one. Fumbling with straps in the moment kills the mood.

Put a vibrator behind the dildo. Some harnesses have a pocket or pouch on the inside for a bullet vibrator. If yours doesn't, slip a small bullet vibe between the base of the dildo and your body. The vibrations transfer through the dildo and stimulate the wearer at the same time.

Start with pegging slowly. If you're trying pegging for the first time, the receiving partner should have experimented with anal play on their own first (fingers, small butt plugs, a slim prostate massager). Going straight from nothing to a strap-on dildo is a big jump. Build up to it.

Communicate throughout. The wearer cannot feel what the receiving partner is feeling. That means the receiving partner needs to guide the pace, depth, and angle verbally. "Slower," "more lube," "that angle is perfect" are all things the wearer needs to hear.

Under £25: starter kits that include a basic harness and one or two dildos. The harnesses at this price are usually nylon or elastic, which works but isn't the most comfortable for extended wear. Good for finding out if you enjoy strap-on play before investing more.

£25 to £50: better quality harnesses with more adjustability, padded bases, and sturdier hardware. The included dildos are typically body-safe silicone. This is where the experience starts to feel genuinely good rather than just functional.

Over £50: premium harnesses in leather, neoprene, or high-quality fabric with metal hardware. Some include vibrator pockets and interchangeable O-rings for different dildo sizes. These are comfortable enough for long sessions and look good too. Worth the investment if strap-on play becomes a regular part of your sex life.

You can also buy harnesses and dildos separately, which gives you more control over each component. Match a good harness with your favourite realistic or fantasy dildo and you've got a setup tailored to exactly what you want.